Gentle Hearts Grief Groups
Ordinary Hope
is hosting in person
Gentle Hearts Grief Groups
In Community Partnership at
The Red Farmhouse Bed & Breakfast
11147 E. Bronco Dr. Parker, CO 80138
The property sits in the peaceful and serene countryside of Parker, CO.
Grief groups happen in the private walk-out level of the farmhouse.
The space is lovely, comfortable & soothing.
Outdoors offers rolling hills, trees &
a waterfall during the spring & summer.
"Each person's grief is as unique as their fingerprint. But what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed"
- David Kessler
The Yarn
Is illness, is recovery, is loss, is grief, is life.
It is not linear, or short.
It needs gentleness.
It needs tender care & kindness during untangling or holding it close.
HO
"Something goes out of alignment
when we try to avoid sadness and grief" - David Kessler
No timeline for grief
Evolving, not solving
Grieving - internal, physical, emotional, persistent, pain, emptiness, sorrow, weariness
Mourning - external, outward expression, action, release, lamenting, sharing, processing
Healing - does not take pain away, it honors grief, expresses grief, & helps move grief forward in more love than pain
Relational - sharing hurts in community with others comforts, heals and affirms
It is ok to not be ok right now
Witnessing/being with
Allowing the feelings
Everything changes - loss alters everything
Feelings need honoring - all the time and ongoing
Don't know what to say - well meaning people don't know how to help, may try to cheer up, offer a "bright side" or promote getting over it by now
Being seen - being with other grievers brings community & connection
More love than pain - grow towards more love than pain
Integration
Making meaning
Continuing connection - keep the relationship alive with your loved one
Say their name - sharing all stories and memories
Remembering it all - keep on remembering their whole life, not just the grief or the end
The story changes - the relationship continues when you continue on living
Integration & Meaning - allowing both the pain and the healing with honoring grieving AND honoring living
"If you are not going to feel pain, you are not going to feel anything else either."
- David Kessler
"Whether you think you can or you think you can't,
you're right."
- Henry Ford
"The grieving mind finds no hope after loss. But when you're ready to hope again, you will be able to find it."
- David Kessler
Children in Grief
"Patience is anchored in the unshakable belief in the child's inner-directional, constructive, forward-moving, creative, self-healing power" - Garry L. Landreth
Honoring children's individual grief shows them they are seen. This promotes self-healing.
Honest language at
child's own pace
Honestly builds trust - Children hear and see what is happening and benefit from honest explanations which builds trust.
Ask questions - Learn what they know, think, wonder & believe by asking them first.
Give them the answers - Answer what was asked without adding extra unasked information. They will ask for more information when ready.
Developmentally appropriate language - Each developmental age needs different explanations according to how they concretely or abstractly understand their world.
Some considerations
in developmental age
Newborn to 3 years - Needs concrete words "dying & dead" not "lost, passed, or went to sleep" which are confusing.
3 to 5 years - Use concrete words & facts. Does not see death as permanent but temporary, may blame self.
6 to 9 years - May be matter of fact, internalizing worries of others dying too. Use honesty.
9 to 12 years - Understands death is final. If asked, give explanations of the cause of death. Shows curiosity for learning. May internalize or express feelings; be available.
Adolescent - Understands death abstractly, relies on peers for support. May express feelings or become withdrawn.
Children's integration and meaning making
The forgotten grievers - Children feel deeply, process in spurts, and experience pain according to their age. They are not always seen in grief.
Each new age brings new grief - As a child ages, new understanding of death and loss happens, creating new questions and new grief
Guilt, shame, jealousy, anger, sadness and more - Children don't always let on what they are feeling. Many internal questions can be stirring like, "Did I cause it? What will happen to me? Who will take care of me? Could I have stopped it? Will I be next?
Play - Coping often happens through playing it out.
All types of grief deserve to be honored tenderly.